Monday, October 30, 2006

Something you've been longing for

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life--until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...nothing...only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, ‘Where did you come from? How did you get here?’

‘I rowed from the other side of the island,’ she says. ‘I landed here when my cruise ship sank.’

‘Amazing,’ he says. ‘You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you.’

‘Oh, this?’ replies the woman. ‘I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches. And the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.’

‘But, but, that's impossible,’ stutters Ed. ‘You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?’

‘Oh, that was no problem,’ replies the woman. ‘On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.’ Ed is stunned. ‘Let's row over to my place,’ she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, ‘It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to have a drink?’

‘No, no, thank you.’ he says, still dazed. ‘Can't take any more coconut juice.’ ‘It's not coconut juice,’ the woman replies. ‘I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?’

Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,

‘I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom.’

No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. ‘Wow! This woman is amazing!’ he muses, ‘What next?’

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines-strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. ‘Tell me,’ she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, ‘We've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know...’ She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing: ‘You mean---’, he swallows excitedly, ‘I can check my email from here?!’

Eleven reasons why e-mail is like a penis

11. Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

10. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it, a phenomenon psychologists call e-mail Envy.

7. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

6. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

5. If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

4. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

3. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

2. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

And the # 1 reason is..

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Lucky Ganesh

Part of a forwarded mail. Says ill luck will fall on me if I don't forward it. The best way to broadcast it is from my blog. All the viewers will get it.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Clinton and Mori

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!

A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...

The instructor told Mori "Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr. Clinton should say," I'm fine, and you?" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is....When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?" instead of "How are you". Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: "Well, I'm Hilary's husband, ha-ha...." Then Mori replied "Me too, ha-ha.."
Then there was a long silence in the meeting room...