Sunday, June 12, 2011

(Nearly) HDR'ed Nyatapola

Nyatapola Temple is a famous landmark in Bhaktapur, made distinct by its tall pagoda structure and statues on the steps. I had a short excursion in Bhaktapur Durbar Square yesterday. The clouds made quite an interesting pattern and they looked even impressive when they were above the temple. I couldn't hold myself from taking multiple shots of the setup, and later, I turned them into an HDR later. The HDR is not perfect but it still has the natural tone, which I like.

Monday, May 16, 2011

hotel encounter

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Hell Delimma

So a guy dies and goes to heaven. He's pretty happy with this, so he takes a look at how people are doing down in Hell. He sees a guy with a bottle of good beer and a hot chick. He asks a saint "Hey, this guy in Hell has beer and a hot chick! How come I don't?!" The saint says "You're not looking closely; the bottle of beer has a hole in it and the chick doesn't."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Fart problem

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office.

"Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

Pierre the Fighter Pilot

Love is in the air.

"Pierre, kiss me!" says Marie. Pierre grabs a bottle of wine and splashes the wine on her lips and kisses her.

"Why did you do that?" she asks.

"Because I am Pierre the fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I have red wine."

Now things are heating up a bit.

"Pierre, kiss me lower," says Marie. Pierre tears open her blouse and splashes white wine on her breasts and kisses her breasts all over.

"Why, Pierre?" she asks.

"Because I am Pierre the fighter pilot, and when I eat white meat I have white wine."

"Now things are really getting hot and Marie begs, "Pierre, kiss me even lower..." Pierre rips off her pants and splashes cognac on her and lights it on fire. Marie asks, "Why, Pierre??"

"Because I am Pierre the fighter pilot, and when I go down... I go down in flames!!!"

Friday, April 15, 2011

Two fleas

Two fleas were hanging out one day, and one told the the other about its night. "Hey man, I had a great time last night, I went to the symphony, and I had the best seat in the house, in the conductor's beard. Things were cool until the second movement, when he sneezed, and I was flung into the soprano soloist's cleavage. That wasn't bad , nice and warm and all, but she got all worked up and started to sweat, and I slid down between her legs. I stayed there and fell asleep, but there is one thing I don't get. When I woke up, I was in the conductor's beard again."

Bank Robbery

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Thursday, March 10, 2011

3 Dogs at the Vet

3 Labrador retrievers (chocolate, yellow and black colored) are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation. The black lab turns to the chocolate and says, "So why are you here?" He replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything -- the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black lab says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Gonna give me Prozac", came the reply from the chocolate lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything." He then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here?" The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." "So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired. "Looks like Prozac for me too", the dejected yellow lab said. The yellow lab then turns to the black lab and asks what he's at the vet's office for. "I'm a humper", the black lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away." The yellow and chocolate labs exchange a sad glance and say, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?" The black lab says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Monday, February 14, 2011

poetry competition

The National Poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He confidently stepped to the microphone and said:

“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu.”

The crowd went crazy. No way could the redneck top this, they thought.

The redneck, with sweat rolled down his face, made his way to the microphone and said:

“A friend and I a hunting went,
We spied three maidens in a tent,
They being three, we being two,
I bucked one and Tim bucked two.”

The redneck went to the finals.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Speed of your motorcycle on different stages of your life

Speed of your motorcycle on different stages of your life:
no girlfriend: 70-80 kmph
yes girlfriend: 50-60 kmph
after engagement: 40-50 kmph
after marriage: 30-40 kmph
after having kids: 20-30 kmph

Friday, January 14, 2011

funny facts

did you know??

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs